Lunas y Lunares

"...ni siquiera señores del jurado, padezco como alega mi abogado,

locura transitoria, disparé al corazón que yo quería,

con premeditación, alevosía y mas pena que gloria..."

Tenés razon, quizá si este enamorada de vos, quizá vos te hayas dado cuenta antes, en mi defensa solo puedo decir que uno realmente no elige de quien enamorarse, eso me libra de culpa; es decir....si hubiera podido elegir, no hubiera elegido enamorarme de vos, pero ni loca, ni que fueses el último hombre del planeta. Para que lo entiendas mejor, si hubieras sido el último hombre en el planeta y tuvieramos que continuar con la raza humana, ok, hubieramos tenido que si o si intimar pero listo, con un fin bien definido. Un objetivo estratégico. Sin placer, sin caricias, sin besos y mucho menos con amor.Sin embargo, si creo que existe un punto, unos minutos capaz, un momento en el que uno elige seguir o parar. Una milésima de segundo donde nuestra consciencia aparece implacable y nos escupe a la cara la realidad y uno ahí en ese momento tiene una elección que hacer. Seguir o dejar. Continuar con lo que sea que esté pasando o muy diplomáticamente alejarse de la situación. Uno huele lo complicado, lo escucha acercarse a paso lento pero seguro, uno lo siente en la piel, uno lo ve venir y no solo que lo ve venir sino que muchas veces nos autoengañamos, pero sea como sea, siempre estan esos segundos de lucidez en el que la elección es nuestra. Adiviná lo que elegí? No podría haber hecho ninguna otra cosa. Porque aunque tuve mis segundos lúcidos en la balanza pesaron más otras cosas, como por ejemplo, verte reir, verte los ojitos asi brillantes cuando hablás de Santi, tu abrazo, sentirme parte de una partecita de un pequeñisimo cuadro de la historieta de tu vida, saber que tengo alguién en quién confiar y saber que confiás en mi. Y después los besos, y lo demás también.....claro.Ya ves, elegí. Y ni siquiera sos el último hombre del planeta.

Su señoría, me declaro culpable.

And I want to play hide-and-seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand an go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food and meet you at Rudy's and talk about the day and type up your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don't listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you're sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee at midnight and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match and tell you about the tv programme I saw the night before and take you to the eye hospital and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair our eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse yourand sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when you're late and be amazed when you're early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I'm black and be sorry when I'm wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I'd known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you're angry and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue and your hair to the left and your face oriental and tell you you're gorgeous and hug you when you're anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I'm next to you and whimper when I'm not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don't and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I'm rejecting you when I'm not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I'd ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest girl who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don't believe me and have a feeling so deep I can't find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I'd get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don't want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don't mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it's empty without you and want what you want and think I'm loosing myself but know I'm safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don't deserve any less and answer your questions when I'd rather not and tell you the truth when I really don't want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it's all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it's beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the/ overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you.